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Topics - ElSJaako

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All Else / A few of my favorite things
« on: May 30, 2013, 10:43:45 AM »
Obviously I like all my own stuff, otherwise I wouldn't have put them here. I think the ddate would be in there because that's a nice for on the cover (In this issue: a history of ddate)

From http://placiddingo.com/intermittens/index.php?topic=6.0

The Parable of the Quiet Sunday

The Monkey Experiment (You already have this, but I also like it)

Pissing on your idea

The koan of the derivative work

Apples
by SmallTownGeek

In Defense of Trolling

http://placiddingo.com/intermittens/index.php?topic=25.msg95#msg95

http://placiddingo.com/intermittens/index.php?topic=16.msg56#msg56

http://placiddingo.com/intermittens/index.php?topic=16.msg57#msg57

And I think Gorightly should be in there, with a line on the cover: "Adam Gorightly talks about his Discordian Rituals"

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Intermittens written submissions / New letter to the pope
« on: May 16, 2013, 10:12:54 AM »
His Holyness Pope Francis
Apostelic Palace
Vatican City

The Netherlands, Thursday 16 May 2013/Sweetmorn, 3179 Discord 63

His Holyness Pope Francis,

Good Poping! The way you cut down on spending and want to spread the church to everyone has given me renewed respect for the Catholic Church. I know you don't live in the Apostelic Palace, but I hope a mail forwarding service fit within your budget.
I am a Discordian, not a Catholic, but our religions have many things in common. For example, people often have a hard time figuring out whether Discordianism is a Joke or a Religion, and the rock on which the Catholic church was built was a pun. We both have saints, although Discordianism doesn't discriminate against live people, fictional people or non-people. And we have Popes, but in Discordianism every man, woman and child on earth is a Pope.
Which brings me to the next point: you are one of only a handful of people that can honestly claim to be a Pope in two religions. Discordians often have trouble convincing authority figures of their Popedom. So we have Pope cards to prove that we are Popes, and they are too! As you are not only a Pope too, but also two Popes, I have enclosed two of these Pope cards. You probably don't need them though, so feel free to give them away.
Good luck with your Popehood! I will be drinking a cup of mate for you later, I hope you will return the favor.
Sincerely,
El Sjaako

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Intermittens written submissions / ddate
« on: May 12, 2013, 04:30:09 PM »
One of the subtle fun things about being a discordian is seeing Discordianism popping up in unexpected places. We got a dwarf planet named (possibly), got a TV-show host to make some vague references (probably), and there's a copy of our holy book in the JFK assassination archives.

But one of the nerdiest places Discordianism used to turn up is on almost every linux computer. There was a program included by default called "ddate" that calculates the discordian date. I'll give you my output right now:

Code: [Select]
Today is Prickle-Prickle, the 65th day of Bureaucracy in the YOLD 3178
Ddate was on almost every system because it was included in a useful package of common programs call util-linux, and this package was installed on every system. Unfortunately the current maintainer of util-linux has decided that ddate is a "crazy thing" and has recently decided that it should be removed from linux by default. He did this on June 8, 2012. This K. Zak (Fun fact: "K. Zak" is the Dutch equivalent to "A. Hole") doesn't like us having fun.

Ddate was written on the 65th day of The Aftermath in the Year of Our Lady of Discord 3157 (23 dec 1991) by Druel the Chaotic (Jeremy Johnson), obviously in a fit of pre-christmas religious fervor.

In early 1994 Lee Harvey Oswald Smith, K.S.C. created a package of discordian softwares that he called "The Emperor Norton Utilities":
Quote
The Emperor Norton Utilities is a collectionm of Discordian software. It is the software equivalent of Discordian sainthood. The utilities include mainstays such as ddate, M-x dissociate, and chef, as well as anything you may care to nominate. Indeed, it can contain entire operating systems (such as Linux) and even hardware devices (such as the software-controlled Amiga power light). The documentation for this software consists of the Principia Discordia, the Ludwig Plutonium Hymnbook, Kibo's signature and that sign in California which reads STOP CASTING POROSITY", as well as other sacred tracts too numerous to mention.
(M-x dissociate is a script for transforming any text into potentially humorous garbage. Chef does pretty much the same thing, but in Swedish. Kibo is someone worth looking up, if you haven't heard about him)

In 2002 Göran Weinholt defended ddate beautifully:
Quote
  > People with more traditional moral values might not
  > appreciate a reference to or advertisement for this movement
  > being present on their system.  However, because it is in
  > util-linux, they will not be able to selectively remove it
  > (unless they write a script that is to be run after every
  > upgrade).
 
  I for one will not stand for this. I personally use ddate, I use it in
  some scripts, I know other people do the same, and I know some Debian
  developers would be annoyed if ddate was removed. There are even programs
  that use ddate, e.g. freecraft and the games that use its engine.
 
  I will be very sad if Debian can't include ddate because an imaginary
  user with "traditional moral values" means more than real users.


 Unfortunately, 10 years later, his plea was not heard, and ddate is out of default linux, and on most systems you need to add it yourself.

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Intermittens written submissions / Discordianism Sucks
« on: May 12, 2013, 04:21:34 PM »
  • How can I be a good person?
  • Why is my penis smaller than that other guys penis?
  • Where did I leave my keys?
  • What the fuck is wrong with you?
  • Do I really need to pay my bills, or is that for other people?

Religion has tried to answer these questions, and more, with various levels of success for a long time now. Discordianism has been around for 55 years. Maybe we should have a look to see how well it's done.

Discordianism answers all of the above questions. Usually with "Fuck it. Let's go have some fun". That could be seen as a problem.

If ignoring the important questions in life is my sin, Discordianism is my enabler. Instead of thinking about the existence of god, I think "If god does exist, he's probably a crazy woman, And his name is Eris". Instead of worrying about my health, I eat hot dogs wrapped in pancakes. My body is a temple, but I hate churches. Instead of caring about trash disposal, I tell my neighbors playing Sink is a religious right.

So why am I still a Discordian? It has it upsides. It lets me feel more open-minded than an atheist without any real consequences. It lets me make awkward moments even more so by using that time to give out pope cards. And I really like the book.

In the end, all I can do is assume that ignoring the important questions in life is not a sin, and I should go have some fun. After all, if they were actually important I'm sure something would go wrong if I didn't think about them.

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Intermittens written submissions / Converting Jens
« on: May 09, 2013, 09:37:12 PM »
Jens was my roommate. I thought he was pretty much a Discordian already, but he didn't agree. He wasn't religious, but he was into Taoism and shit. He told me once: "I agree with pretty much all of the stuff you talk about, but Discordianism isn't for me. I prefer my spirituality to be at least a few thousand years old."

I thought that was bullshit. These days I wouldn't try to push someone into Discordianism (Discordianism tends to push 'em right back at me), but I was younger then and I hadn't figured that lesson out yet. So I hatched a plan.

I managed to find the perfect combination of audio filters and voice work. It made me sound like a woman. A confident, powerful, sexy, experienced woman. A woman with a serious mental problem. It made me sound like Eris.

I used to have so much free time.

I hid a speaker in his room. Late at night, when he returned home drunk and stoned I played a message: "I'm real, you know."

I don't think he was alert enough for it to really register, and I never heard him talk about it.

But to me it had been a succes, and I continued to make him hear stuff. "You look hungry, you should have an apple." "It is a bitter bitch that concerns you so" (He was going through a breakup at the time). And so on. A lot of greek sounding gibberish too.

And then one day it worked. I think the line I sent him was "It's all my fault, you know?" After that he borrowed my copy of the Principia.

That evenening I heard a voice. It was that voice I had created. But it didn't say anything I had made it say. Maybe it was Jens playing a prank on me. Maybe it was some other prankster. Maybe it was the six joints I was smoking a day. I tore up my room and never found a speaker, and I kept smokeing and never heard the voice again.

I like to think it was Eris talking to me.

She said: "Good job, bozo."

Jens wasn't a Discordian for long. I guess I had loosened him up, to new Religious experiences. He moved out and I heard some kind of Christian group got to him, maybe even one of the door-to-door kinds. All I know is that he never gave me my Principia Discordia back. I think he needs it more than I do anyway.

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