INTERMITTENS CONTENT > Intermittens written submissions
My Five Discordian Rituals
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Adam Gorightly:
Discordian Rituals take many forms, and can be either lump free, chunky or smooth textured. Many humans perform them (those Discordian Rituals) without even knowing they’re Discordian, so to speak. For instance, as a long haired dope smoking teen, I’d oft times visit Fresno’s Fashion Fair Mall, and above the urinal in the restroom in said mall (a urinal can double as an irreligious artifact) there was a chalk board replete with chalk of course hung upon the wall so that we pissing human males would scrawl lewd crudities there as opposed to the walls of the stalls where “for a good time call” such and who. Anyway, with said chalk—and without premeditated thought—I wrote “Jesus is pregnant!” This was Discordian Ritual #1.
My second Discordian Ritual occurred once again in magical Fresno when a colleague and I ingested LSD and went out trippin’ in the streets of our fair city. At some point in our adventure, one of us made the comment: “What if we saw a UFO right now, no one would believe us,” which made us laugh somewhat uncontrollably. Shortly after uttering those immortal words, Eris called down a surreal squadron of psychedelic UFOs which blew our minds for all of time. This was Discordian Ritual #2, although I didn’t know I was Discordian at the time. Hail Eris!
Ritual # 3 was also initiated by psychoactive substances, this time those crazy little mushrooms that Eris transported to Earth. The set and setting for this ritual was out on the beach at Half Moon Bay when the spirit of someone named The Monster Tamer entered my body and gave a stirring recitation of every monster he had battled and destroyed, a blow by blow account delivered in dizzying detail—from Frankenstein to Wolfman, to name just a few. This was Discordian Ritual # 3. (You really had to be there.)
Discordian Ritual number #4 occurred when I lived in an apartment in Clovis and sculpted a strange bust of a tormented little green creature with pointed ears named GLIB. When I moved out of the apartment I left GLIB on a shelf in an empty closet along with a copy The Book of Mormon for someone to find and freak out on, which though I didn’t know it at the time was also a very Discordian thing to do and may well have lit up the pineal gland who ever discovered this creature sharing a shelf with Joseph Smith’s holy book.
Discordian Ritual # 5 actually occurred after I became a Discordian Pope when myself and some friends who didn’t realize they were Discordian—but now understand that they may or may not be—conducted a ritual in the parking lot at the very same Brunswick Shrine where Mal and Omar saw the chimp and Eris and you know the drill.
So there you have my five Discordian Rituals. I could probably name another 23, but not right now fnord.
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