If you can't convince them, confuse them.
We all know them: conspiracy fanatics (here referred to as “tin foil hat wearers”) who develop their ideas about the secret activities of a conspiratorial group behind the scenes of world events into a self-contained construct of unfalsifiable, highly complex “truths.” There are useful analyses of the mindset underlying such conspiracy ideologies (e.g., in Robert Anton Wilson's Encyclopedia of Conspiracy Theories or Daniel Kulla's Conspiracy Theory) and guides on how to deal with false facts (e.g., the Debunking Handbook, or current online articles written in the wake of the coronavirus pandemic), and we have tried something like this before. But this is not about simply and “straightforwardly” refuting individual pieces of misinformation, because 1. we want to look at the whole thing from a Discordian perspective, and 2. refuting content is a painstaking task, because it can only be done cautiously and gradually, but you are confronted with a sheer flood of bullshit, and even the smallest mistake could be understood as an attack on one's own worldview and thus one's own identity and person, leading to nothing but a hardening of positions. So what do we do? We dismantle the castles in the air of the tin foil hats from the inside, so to speak, using their own means. As Cramulus once said:
In verbal aikido, the trick is to not oppose an argument directly – but meet it, follow it’s trajectory, and pull it slightly askew.
This may not defeat conspiracy theorists, but perhaps that is not a realistic goal anyway. Much more practical than changing the other person's mind is deliberately short-circuiting their brain, which has at least a similarly disarming effect. Anyone who is confused in this way will definitely cause less targeted mischief, and any change in such a case should also be seen as an opportunity. And if you want to have fun with the whole thing, just think of it as a game—tin foil hat chess.
Tin foil hats in involuntary chess
As with the conventional version of chess, tin foil hat chess is about anticipating your opponent's “moves” and, in this sense, naturally also directing them. By strategically placing conspiracy theories, you can use several “moves” to put the aluminum hat into a mental state where they no longer believe anything. Not even their own conspiracy theories. This state would be like a classic checkmate in chess.
When preparing for a game, it (unfortunately) usually helps immensely to be familiar with the world of conspiracy theories, pseudoscience, and esotericism, but also with their refutation and with general knowledge in the relevant fields (a little physics, chemistry, history, politics, math…). The Great Reset, free energy, the Deep State, the NWO, the flat and hollow Earth—all these things should be familiar, as painful as that may be. The aforementioned Encyclopedia of Conspiracy Theories or a study of relevant articles in RationalWiki or the Psiram Wiki can help with this. From the outset, it is advisable to side with the tin foil hat wearer, especially at the beginning, and agree with them without question. Perhaps make it clear that you know what the tin foil hat wearer is talking about, and occasionally continue the discussion. Most tin foil hat wearers like to talk about their areas of interest (like most people), and sometimes you can steer them from topic to topic to find out what the pillars of their personal cloud cuckoo land are. The more you can learn in a short time, the more points of attack you can find.
Instead of countering the tin foil hat with facts that he is only too happy to refute, you establish a connection to another assumed conspiracy that contradicts or at least undermines the first one — see also the classic example from xkcd, where “Jet fuel can't melt steel beams” is countered by referring to the contents of the chemtrail tanks (which are certainly present in the jet) — that devilish stuff is definitely flammable.
A classic joke in this context is also the exchange “You probably also believe that the Americans landed on the moon!” “Haha, you really believe in the moon?” Another example: “Climate change is not caused by humans.” At this point, one could counter that this is a deliberately spread rumor that was circulated by the reptilians. As cold-blooded creatures, they naturally need a warmer environment, so anthropogenic, i.e., man-made climate change is used by their human allies, the “elites” feared by aluminum foil hat wearers, as a terraforming tool to make the planet uninhabitable for us, while making it truly habitable for the reptilians. The same applies to CO2 pollution in the atmosphere. Perhaps reptilians also breathe methane. (And of course they also like UV radiation, hence the ozone hole.) If this move is played correctly, the tin foil hat would now have to decide which of the two contradictory conspiracies from its ideological repertoire must be untrue. In the worst case, of course, the tin foil hat will construct new “facts” to make the two conspiracies compatible again. The latter can happen, for example, when you try to play flat-earthers off against hollow-earthers (because the Earth can't be flat and hollow at the same time, haha!), and the tin foil hat counters with the Great Ice Ball Earth Theory, which in his eyes could actually combine the two. So always be on your guard and either know even the strangest theories or be able to improvise quickly. Another example: “I faked the entries in my vaccination card, vaccinations only make you sick!” Yes, dear tin foil hat, you can counter that vaccinations were indeed a means of suppressing dissidents… people like you, dear tin foil hat, who avoid vaccinations. Vaccinations protect those loyal to the system from the worse effects of chemtrails. Ask your conspiracy-believing counterpart why the elites would weaken their sheeple, who support the system, but allow critics like him to slip through the net so easily? Make it clear to him that he has fallen for their dirty tricks, the misinformation that the elite spreads via their fake accounts, which were all just psyops to deter critics from getting vaccinated. And the conspiracy theorist fell for it. Big Pharma laughingly served him salvation on a silver platter, and he rejected it, thus making himself a target. And they know that very well. Of course, the conspiracy theorist won't swallow all of this without resistance, but if you speak his language, the likelihood that some of it will sink in is higher.
Birds aren't real vs. chemtrails: Birds fly into aircraft engines – are these two groups of conspirators working against each other? “Wind turbines kill birds” – but birds are just surveillance drones, so wind turbines are actually helping us! “Wind turbines generate infrasound” – what does infrasound do to chemtrails? Does infrasound perhaps only pose a threat to pests? Does vaccination help against infrasound?
“Trust no one” is a basic principle for many conspiracy theorists, but it only applies to the conspiracy group and associated sources of information such as ‘mainstream’ or “system media.” This is another place to start. Example: “You believe what they say on the news? That's state television, the lying press, the mainstream media. I only listen to what RT says.” The first reflex is, of course, to try to defend the news and portray RT as Putin's propaganda tool, which it is. But it's much smarter to make it clear to the tin foil hat that both are just bought-and-paid-for mainstream media outlets that are trying to confuse us in a game of false flags, and that the truth is what both sides aren't telling us—not much will remain. “But I listen to blogger X, YouTube channel Y, and 4chan-Anon Z3), they are independent and speak the truth,” our tin foil hat might reply. Whereupon we look at our tin foil hat pityingly for its naivety. Who owns YouTube, who owns the blog platform, who hosts 4chan? Don't they all belong to the same dark, evil, financially powerful, all-controlling “global elite”? Would these all-powerful platform operators really allow some confused vegan cooking channels on YouTube to spill the beans on the secret plans of the all-controlling overlords? In the end, the tin foil hat, according to his own definition, comes across as a sleep sheep and is actually forced to do what he claims to do: think for himself instead of parroting things.
You don't always have a suitable existing conspiracy theory ready to counter another conspiracy theory, but similar to “trust no one,” it sometimes helps to simply go one better. To do this, you have to be creative and know how far you can exaggerate. Here is a practical example, experienced on a train journey: The tin foil hat tells of the extinct, once global “Greater Tartarian Empire,” whose giant humans, up to five meters tall, left traces in the magnificent architecture of the past and which was wiped out by a gigantic mudslide, which is why many old buildings are even larger underground? Show the tin foil hat that you take him seriously and know what you're talking about. Yes, Mud Flood, Tartaria, that's well known, a huge conspiracy to cover up the past. But… in reality, it's even more extreme. The story of Tartaria itself is just a diversion from a much bigger conspiracy. Let's think about it: what are large buildings, supposedly built by giants, supposed to distract us from? Right, from something small. Or someone small. And where do the underground structures come from? Someone built them later, underground. Small and underground? Right: gnomes. What is our source, asks the tin foil hat, after all, he has never seen this theory on TikTok or YouTube. Of course he hasn't, because gnomes control the underground cables and thus the internet. No, no, theories like that can only be found on the darknet. Oh, he hasn't been there yet? Yes, it's not easy, but he should definitely check it out, because that's where all the crazy stuff is that THEY don't want you to find (see Trust no one). And now the tin foil hat, as a “clueless sheep,” has to catch up on some facts before trying to give his fellow travelers a history lesson again.
The tin foil hat player opens with the following CT: „Germany is an occupied territory and not an independent state, which is why we have red covers on our passports and not blue ones, as independent states have. The Federal Republic is not a state, but a financial agency, namely the BRD GmbH based in Frankfurt am Main, and we are merely its employees. That is why we do not have identity cards like the free citizens of independent states, but an identity card that identifies us – as the name suggests – as employees (of the BRD GmbH). For this reason, our name is written entirely in capital letters on this ID card, as was already the case in ancient Rome: the names of free people were written in lowercase letters, but the names of slaves were written entirely in capital letters.“ Here are three different examples of possible moves, all of which address different aspects of the conspiracy theory and which you can tailor to the character of your tin foil hat opponent:
„Yes, that's right, the FRG is not a real state. But it's not an LLC either; that's exactly the diversionary tactic. The actual form of administration is a trust company of the Holy Roman Empire of the German Nation, registered through the Vatican since 1806 retroactively through the Golden Bull. That's why there's the eagle—it was never a ‘state symbol,’ but the company logo of the Sacra Res Publica. The headquarters is not in Frankfurt, but in the Free Imperial City of Speyer, where the files are hidden.“
Result:
The opponent must either admit that he had the wrong legal basis (which undermines his sense of authority) or start arguing with papal trust documents. If they do so, you can counter with a second move:
“Sure, the pope thing is obsolete anyway, since Benedict XVI secretly registered the Sedes Vacans Corporation in 2013 to keep himself out of it.”
Then they are completely stuck, because now they have to compare Catholic canon law and commercial register law – good luck with that!
„Of course, the FRG is a limited liability company – but that applies to all states. The so-called UN itself is the parent company, which manages the member states as brands through its ISO registrations. That's why there are ISO country codes: DE, FR, US – these are all abbreviations of the respective franchises. The red passports show that Germany is a co-owner of the franchise, i.e., it has subcontractor status, so to speak. Only those who operate directly under the parent organization – i.e., the ‘holding company's own administration’ – have blue passports.“
Result:
The conspiracy theorist has to decide: Either Germany is particularly unfree (subcontractor) or particularly important (main licensee). In both cases, the thesis of unique occupation loses its sting. If he thinks that the UN itself is only a tool of the elites, you can gently add:
„Sure, but the elites are also just registered persons. The term ‘natural person’ comes from ISO 3166-3, which is why every name must appear in capital letters – this is machine-readable, not enslavement. Machines cannot recognize lowercase letters; this is, so to speak, their digital illiteracy.“
And now he has a problem: if he objects, he has to explain digital logistics.
„The thing about capital letters is true, but the meaning is different: the Federal Republic of Germany must write the names of its citizens in capital letters, because otherwise it would not be allowed to protect their soul shares. In occult commercial law, lowercase letters are a sign of unhallowed life force—energy that could be absorbed by the astral administrative network of the City of London. By writing the name in uppercase letters, it becomes a sigil—this means you are ‘personal,’ but as such you are protected against outside access. That is the real reason why ID cards are mandatory in this country: protection through formal magic.“
No matter what your aluminum-foil-wearing opponent does, you force him into an epistemological dead end: If he disagrees, he must dispute occult legal magic – i.e., suddenly argue rationally (which ends the game). If they agree, you have taken over the narrative and can reformulate it at any time, e.g., with an additional move:
“Exactly, that's why they have red passports – red is the color of seal energy. Blue passports identify unprotected citizens whose energy flows freely. Just look at what Americans look like.”
Aluminum hat chess can also be politicized, after all, the communists have always been behind everything.
“Citizen's income and all the bureaucracy and stuff, that's pure socialism!” “Oh, why is that?” “It ruins the economy and hurts companies.” “Well, but the companies complained about the high electricity prices and said that was destroying the economy.” “Yes, that too!” “Well, and the balance sheets of the electricity companies show that they have made massive profits in recent years. So who has benefited from this?” “I don't know, the electricity companies?” “Yes, that's right. There is enough energy, they just artificially created a shortage and made it more expensive in order to profit from it.” “Yes, then the government has to regulate it by law!” “What, intervene in the free market with laws? No, that's too socialist for me! Are you a communist or something?”
In theory, this could be compared to the opponent's opening on one flank. (Citizen's income) I open with a counterattack on the same flank. (Why) My opponent continues to play on that flank. (Reason) I begin my attack on the other flank. (Distraction and counterattack Electricity prices) My opponent's reaction. (Agreement) My attack. (Artificial scarcity and enrichment mentality) Opponent opens his defense. (Argument that the government must) Checkmate. (You are the socialist)